It started out as a simple evening for the family to go shopping to get Mazlin new shoes and birthday gift for a friend. Pretty simple. We stop so Dennis can teach Mia what it means to make a wish and throw money in the fountain. I went to sit on the bench with Mazzie while the concept was sinking in for Mia. I'm reminded every day how much Mia ADORES her daddy. He makes her laugh like no one else and the affection is mutual. He is an amazing father and surprises me by his generosity every day. Two years ago this week we made the journey back to Minneapolis as a family for the first time. I've just started to realize over the last couple of months (as Mia continues to grow into this very inquisitive and expressive being)that Dennis and I will need to begin the process of determining how we will communicate this amazing journey we've taken with her and her sister. I literally can't even begin to think about it without getting choked up. In fact, if you were here at this very moment you would be handing me a Kleenex. A few of our friends that were in Guatemala with us are celebrating "Gotcha Day" which is a very common term in the adoption world. I've realized that I'm not ready to bring this into her life. I'm barely ready to accept the fact that she hasn't been with me since the egg and sperm met. Maybe I did give birth to her and we all just forgot about it. Not that it would mean anything different other than the fact that I could avoid that one brief moment of disconnect when I will be able to hear her brain trying to process everything. She is resilient and she will (I'm sure) move onto something else. I just don't want her to EVER question anything--is that so much to ask? What was so wrong with the kiddos that found out by looking through Mommy and Daddy's special drawer (which just happened to contain private pictures of Mommy and their original birth certificate) when they were 16. I want to see the long term effects on that study. I mean really. Although, I'm sure it is hard to get any data since they are all probably in rehab, therapy or a cult somewhere. A very wise person once told me that adoption is a process (albeit a beautiful one) but still a process. They come from an amazing culture with beautiful people and many selfless women that loved them enough to let them go...I will always want her to know every detail of her life..I'm just beginning to realize how amazingly emotional this will be for her little mind to process. My good friends that are adopted are a testament to the great parents that allowed them to say as adults they never remembered the day they found out-it was just something they always knew and didn't have a bearing on the love for their parents. Mazzie's shoes are adorable and Mia made many many wishes. If only I could take a simple trip to the mall. My mind just doesn't work like that.
